The Joys of Friendship

All month long I’ve been talking about bonding, usually between a parent and child or between lovers. We often place so much importance on those connections, and they are important, and yet forget about the importance of platonic friendship. Having a BFF is one of the greatest relationships you may ever experience.

From choosing friends to staying friends there are some interesting facts about friendship often overlooked or simply ignored. Many of us just assume we make friends with those we are in close proximity to on a regular basis — classmates particularly, but there is more to friendship than just being in the same place with another person.

Here are some interesting ideas about friendship and how to sustain it:

Harry was right, men and women can’t be friends – They can but generally speaking men tend to be physically and sexually attracted to their female friends, even if the woman is not. That’s a relationship killer no matter how you slice it.

Empathy is the Key to Intimacy – We form strong friendships when we give and receive empathy. Empathy is the pathway to intimacy and the thing that makes you willing to share every embarrassing detail with your best friend.

Trust – You can’t have empathy or intimacy without trust and enduring friendships are built on a solid foundation of trust. When that trust is broken it’s very difficult to maintain the relationship.

Animals have Friends, Too – Chimps, baboons, elephants, dolphins, bats can all form relationships with other animals that aren’t in their own species.

Friendship has Benefits – Those with strong friendships generally have better health, are less stressed and more confident. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, they also have more reproductive success.

You Will Have Many Friendships – But not all of them will last. In fact, you’ll have nearly 400 friends throughout your lifetime but only about a dozen that last.

Friendship Increases Life Expectancy – Elderly people with large networks of friends have been found to live 22% longer than those with few friends.

Friends help you Heal – Those with supportive friends survived hardships, disease and depression much better than those without friends.

As we Age it Gets Harder to Make Friends – It’s never as easy to make friends as when you are in kindergarten. Not only are we put into a ready made peer group from which to choose friends (an environment we remain in through college) but we have fewer inhibitions and are willing to try out many different relationships. As we age we tend to refrain from making friends as easily.

As we wrap up this February, consider getting out there and making new friends. In this age of online social media it’s good to remember that a real life, face to face friendship can be a great thing to have. Take that cooking course, learn how to paint, join a book club – just meet new people, you never know who might walk into your life. If you have enough friends, take that cooking course with them and strengthen that friendship bond even more.