Bipolar Disorder and Getting Through the Holidays

“What suggestions do you have for facing the holidays? I have bipolar disorder and my family and friends seem to treat me differently from everyone else.  Also, it is also always very hard to face the New Year. Any ideas that will help me cope with New Year’s Eve and making healthy New Year’s resolutions?”

Facing the holiday season can really be a rough time for people with mood disorders.  Unfortunately it is a time for symptoms to flourish in the face of many triggers.  For a person with bipolar disorder,  just being in the company of family and friends, let alone strangers, can cause considerable upset.  There is often a feeling that we’re pigeonholed and viewed  as our disorder.  This makes it extremely important to go assuming you have a clean bill of health.  The old adage – I’m okay – you’re okay will go a long way.

Some cope by avoiding these situations, and isolating themselves. This usually causes additional upset and often a sense of failure.

Others rush in, quite anxious, and wind up feeling foolish trying to interact in these gatherings.

So, what to do?

While it is easy to say just relax, it takes great effort. Deep breathing exercises are an excellent tool to promote relaxation.  Of course, this requires much practice.   Meditation is another technique for calming your mind and allowing you to feel stronger in social interaction.

With the holidays a few months away, the best advice I can give you is as follows:

During these holiday gatherings, treat others as you would have them treat you. I’m certain you would like them to treat you well. I am certain that you would like them to ask you a little bit about yourself.  You may wish to prepare answers in advance for questions that you would like to ask them or think they would ask you.

You could also rehearse some of the interaction with a safe friend or family member.  I always encourage guests to bring a small gift to a holiday gathering for their host.  I would strongly encourage you to do the same.  This small act of appreciation will be will help make you feel a part of those present.

Finally, do not expect too much of yourself. Be prepared to just go and try to be in the moment.  Do not set high expectations to be the “life of the party”.  Just imagine yourself as one of the guests treating others as you would wish to be treated yourself.

Facing the new year, is another matters and has been the subject of numerous self-help books.  In a few words, the main element of facing the new year well, is just taking it one day at a time, setting minimal expectations for your behavior and interaction.  I strongly recommend involvement in a cognitive-behavioral or dialectical behavior therapy workshop to gain new insights into how to set goals and work on changing your behavior to feel more acceptable with a sense of hope and encouragement for your accomplishments in 2015.

~Dr. Manuel S. Silverman, PhD