5 Tips for Surviving the Holidays with Family

We love our family but sometimes they can be a bit too much. Family relationships can be complicated, the holidays can make them even more complicated. With the holidays upon us, family can be more demanding and less forgiving making for a difficult meal or weekend stay. There are many, many reasons family relationships are complicated and making them less so is a time consuming activity which isn’t likely to happen in the days before the holiday event. So it isn’t about fixing the complicated relationship as much as it’s about getting through the event without making the relationship worse or have it break down completely.

Because we are family we often fall back on outdated roles. The youngest is considered the baby, while the oldest sibling is thought of as a bully. Whatever the preconceived notion of any family member consider throwing it out and getting to know them as adults. Leave your ego at the door and try to enjoy the wonder of the holiday. If that doesn’t work then try your best to let everything roll off your back. The stress of the holidays can bring out the best in all of us, it’s just sometimes easier to let it get the worst of us, especially when we’re with family. And that’s a good thing, because that means you feel comfortable with them.

Most of the difficulty families face during the holidays comes from unmet expectations. Because we are related the expectation is everyone will get along even though there is ample evidence that that never happens. Managing expectations is probably the single most important thing you can do to make your holidays more enjoyable with your family.

Follow these tips for a more enjoyable family holiday this year:

1. Set a budget and stick to it – Determine how much each person will spend on each other, children, parents etc. Once that amount is determined don’t sway from it. If the budget is higher than you can reasonably afford, say something to other siblings and family members to adjust the budget.
2. Avoid passive aggressive behavior – Set our boundaries and honor others. Ask for what you want or need without being vague or obtuse. Try to pin down others needs as much as possible without being overbearing.
3. Don’t ask loaded questions and don’t answer them either – If your aunt June always asks why you aren’t married you can politely tell her it’s none of her concern. If you’re the one asking loaded questions, don’t. If you must know the answer to loaded questions at least ask in private.
4. Avoid political or religious discussions – Even if the whole family is on the same page politically and religiously there will be something to disagree on, skip heated discussion and talk about lighter fare.
5. Go easy on the alcohol – Nothing fuels a horrible holiday meal like alcohol, so go easy on it. But, don’t be the alcohol police unless someone is a danger to themselves.