Raising an Introvert

According to Carl Jung, who coined the term, a child who is introverted is characterized by an inward flowing of personal energy—a withdrawal concentrating on subjective factors. The introvert is usually happy to be alone and usually possesses a rich imagination. An introverted child will prefer quiet reflection, often alone, to more noisy and rambunctious activity. If you’re an extroverted parent you may believe that scheduling activities and playdates are all that is needed to break your child out of his or her shell. You may also find that your child pushes back by refusing playdates and activities preferring to be alone with a good book, video game or simply to be alone with his thoughts.

If you have an introverted child you’ve probably had conversations with teachers about how your child refuses to participate. They may even think he or she is obstinate because they don’t follow the rules of the class.

Introverted children are not necessarily shy and they aren’t usually misbehaving. An introverted child needs time to process the information before speaking or acting. For some a large classroom or playground is simply too much stimulation and they need to physically recharge by being alone.

There is nothing wrong with an introverted child, they just don’t fit into the extroverted world most American’s prefer.

If you have an introverted child what can you do to help them thrive in an extroverted world?

1. Don’t force them to be outgoing – Introverts are not shy, they do not need to get used to large crowds or have gobs of friends. They prefer the company of one or two close introverted friends. Pushing them by enrolling them in team sports will probably cause the child unnecessary anxiety even while making the parent feel as if the child is more accepted. If your child is otherwise happy being alone don’t force them on playdates or sign them up for team sports they have no interest in playing.
2. Provide quiet time – If you have other children provide a quiet place for your introverted child to be alone. Introverts need to process their surroundings and being caught up in an active and lively family can be overwhelming. If your an extroverted person it can be difficult to imagine the needs of an introverted child so ask them what they need and then do your best to provide a place for them to reflect quietly and alone.
3. There’s Nothing Wrong with Being an Introvert – If you’re an extroverted parent raising an introvert can be anxiety causing. For an extrovert action, activity and lots of friends is the holy grail of growing up. To an introvert that can seem like a punishment. Remind yourself that your child is happier with less stimulation and fewer friends. The numbers vary but it seems safe to assume that up to 30% of people are introverted and in some cases as many as 50%. That’s hardly a minority but since the squeaky wheel gets the grease they probably go unreported.
4. You Can’t Turn an Introvert into an Extrovert – So stop trying. Appreciate your child for who they are and remind them (and yourself) that a lot of really great people are also introverted including: Bill Gates, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, JK Rowling, Barack Obama, Mark Zuckerberg, Lady Gaga, and Steven Spielberg, just to name a few. Your introverted child is in good company so celebrate this trait!